his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
