I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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