I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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