is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
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You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
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Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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