After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's rum buckets o'clock
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
