Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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