I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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