I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
