we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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