I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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