did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
