when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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