Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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