I love black thongs
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
