you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
