Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
