I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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