Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
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