i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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