Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
