he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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