Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize