I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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