I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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