can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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