Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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