no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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