Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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