we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
