dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
