The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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