Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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