The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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