AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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