Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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