this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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