This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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