She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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