i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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