we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.