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Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.