Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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