put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
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I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug