i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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