He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
