Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
