If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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