just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
