i dont even know how to be here
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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