This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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