You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
