I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
