Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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