I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
