sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
