My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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