He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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