I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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