He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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