Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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