dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
