I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
