my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
