My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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