I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
