elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
