enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
