im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
