haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize