Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
