my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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